Synopsis: Aristotle (“Ari”) and Dante meet at the local swimming pool. Dante introduces himself to Ari when he sees Ari doesn’t know how to swim and offers to teach him. From there, the two boys spend the rest of the summer together working through their inner-turmoil together. With the power of their unique friendship they face life’s obstacles while also trying to understand what they are together.
As pride month comes to a close, I want to explore a YA LGBTQIA+ book in honor of the community. More specifically, I want to discuss the theme of love throughout the book and its implications. The quote I want to use as the basis of this review does not actually appear in the book itself. Rather, it is from my favorite book, however, I think it is most fitting for the undertone of this book. The quote is from John Knowles A Separate Peace. Knowles writes “and when you really love something then it loves you back, in whatever way is has to love.” Such a superficial quote raises substantial questions, especially with regards to those who love in a “non-traditional” manner. 1
Ari struggles articulating his feelings not only to Dante but to all those in his life. Throughout the book we get a glimpse into his mind and soon realize that “we all fight our own private wars” and for him “love was always something heavy.” “Something [he] had to carry.” 2 By not being able to express his feelings to and about those closest to him, Ari expresses his love through action and shared moments. However, this sometimes is not enough. As any self-help book along with mental health professional will expound, communication is “the key” to any healthy relationship. Without it, the relationship is doomed to fail. This notion brings about a set of consequences not only with regards to the one unable to communicate but to those sitting in the silence of their partner.
Here, the mainstream advice and Knowles’s quote come into a superficial conflict. But upon analysis they are quite compatible. What if not being able to communicate is truly a part of one’s identity but they demonstrate their love through other means? Knowles’s quote does not impose any obligation for us to accept the love of one not able to communicate. What Knowles’s quote articulates is that love may take a different form than “traditionally” recognized. Thus, no obligation to accept said form of love is imposed. 3 Rather, we still retain the ability to decided whether this form of love is acceptable and satisfying.
At this point, I want to explore the sensitive topic of domestic abuse because it serves as an apt demonstration of how these conceptions interact. 4 First, it may be true in fact that the abuser loves the abused. However, through a personal history of abuse themselves, the abuser has come to associate abuse with love. In relation to Knowles’s quote, this is the only way that the abuser knows how to demonstrate their love. Regardless, Knowles’s quote does not impose an obligation for us to accept this demonstration of love. Nor does it imply that the abuser cannot unlearn this behavior and to channel their love a different way. Merely, Knowles’s quote helps us understand that love may be expressed through different modes/medians depending on the individual. As with any relationship the other party must decide is the way in which the other expresses their love sufficient and satisfying to them.
This distinction is very important because we often times attribute “flawed” personality traits and demonstrations of love to simply how the individual is, while simultaneously neglecting the introspection of whether or not the demonstration is self-satisfying. While the above example is appropriately left out of this YA read, domestic abuse is an unfortunate and disheartening reality. Throughout the book, Saenz implicitly invites us to think about both perspectives. The first perspective being the one saddled with the unconventional expression of love and how they might overcome it as to live a more productive/fulfilling life. The second, even more implicit, how might we respond and to what do we owe (if anything) to said individual.
— Yours Truly,
Michael A. Westbrook
References/Footnotes:
- I use the term “non-traditional” to mean those that have been deemed unhealthy by the mental health community. I avoid using the word “unhealthy” to avoid the moral underpinnings that can potentially be raised throughout the rest of the review.
- Ari’s heavy feeling of love is an important observation because when most people talk about being in love or loving someone, they often talk about love being light and giving them a since of joy/happiness that lifts them up instead of weighing them down.
- This argument can be further elaborate to even “traditional” displays of love. Generally, we are under no obligation to accept any form of love that we do not find to bring about happiness or self-satisfying.
- If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse here are a list of resources you might want to consider consulting: https://www.thehotline.org; https://ncadv.org/get-help; https://www.acf.hhs.gov/fysb/programs/family-violence-prevention-services/programs/ndvh
Ivory Tower 