Last night in a gathering
I caught a glimpse of my beloved.
Too embarrassed to embrace him
I put my face against his cheek
pretending to whisper
something in his ear.
– Rumi’s Little Book of Love
The feeling of not being able to outwardly express one’s love to its intended recipient has been known all too well. When reflecting on Rumi’s poem, two specific ideas came to mind. The first is our innate fear of unrequited love. The second is the constraints imposed by society that if deviated from result in ridicule. What is one to make of of these observations?
Regarding the first, it is often the fear of rejection that prevents one from declaring their feelings. The potential rejection thus leaves us with the burden of unprofessed love. But why is the fear of rejection so powerful? It is purely my speculation that when one is rejected it brings to the forefront our perceived inadequacies. We take inventory of all of our perceived failings, innate or not, and forces us to take stock of them. However, is this cost something that can be mitigated? Theoretically, if one truly understands and accepts their shortcomings in conjunction with learning to love their perceived faults, then the aforementioned dreaded inventory is manageable. This is especially true when compared to the potential loss of an amazing experience. But such is not the case if the potential experience happens to be far more costly than never declaring one’s love. Noteworthy however is the fact that this analysis cannot be performed in advance. Rather, it is only one that can be processed afterwards.
The second observation is sightly less philosophical and more historical. There have been times, and arguably still are, that those wishing to express their love for another have been restricted by law and/or society from expressing said love. The first example that comes to mind are those that identify as LGBTQIA+. Only recently in the United States have they been legally able to express love in the form of marriage. It was before then that sodomy laws prevented them from expressing love. The second most notable example is inter-racial marriage. The United States, until Loving v. Virginia, outlawed the marriage of blacks and whites. However, expression of love does not stop merely at what the law allows. There is still a pervading notion, regarding both examples, that both groups should not be allowed to express love in such way. Here it is not the law that is concerned but rather the attitudes of society. When deviating from the majoritarian attitude of society one is contained by fear. This fear is not limited to bodily harm. Rather it includes all aspects, such as economic and generational. Thus, deviation from societal norms is just as fearful as that from legal rules.
— Yours Truly,
Michael A. Westbrook
Ivory Tower 